Teaching Social Skills Through Individual and Small-Group Counseling

Four third graders sit at a small table in the counseling office. One is turned halfway around in his chair, one is watching the door, and two are arguing about whose turn it is to hold the talking stone. The counselor smiles, because this moment is exactly why the group exists: joining a conversation, waiting a turn and handling disagreement are the skills they came to practice.

Social skills are often taught as if students will absorb them from being around others. Many do. But some students benefit from direct instruction, guided practice and feedback in a smaller, safer setting before they try the skills in a busy classroom or cafeteria. School counselors are well placed to provide that through small groups and brief individual counseling.

This article explains how to decide which students to serve, how to structure sessions, what a six-session group can look like, and how to help skills transfer to everyday school settings. Peer conflict that has already escalated is addressed in a separate article on helping students manage anger and frustration.

Understanding the Concept

What we mean by social skills

Social skills are the specific behaviors students use to interact with others: greeting, joining a group, listening, taking turns, giving and accepting compliments, asking for help, disagreeing respectfully and repairing a mistake. CASEL's framework for social and emotional learning places these mostly under relationship skills and social awareness, alongside self-awareness, self-management and responsible decision-making.

Skill gaps versus performance gaps

A useful distinction in planning is whether a student does not yet know a skill (a skill gap) or knows it but does not use it in certain settings (a performance gap). A student who cannot describe how to join a game needs teaching. A student who can explain it perfectly but avoids recess games may need confidence, practice in real settings or attention to anxiety or peer dynamics. The plan differs for each.

Where small groups and individual counseling fit

In a multi-tiered system of support, classroom lessons teach social skills to everyone (Tier 1). Small groups serve students who need more practice (Tier 2). Brief individual counseling can help when a student needs a more personal plan or is not ready for a group. Students whose needs are intensive or persistent may need a team plan and, in some cases, referral to outside providers.

Why It Matters

• Relationships affect learning. Students who feel connected to peers are generally more willing to participate, collaborate and come to school.
• Groups provide real practice. Unlike a worksheet, a group gives students peers to practice with, under supervision, with immediate feedback.
• Small settings lower the risk. Trying a new skill is easier when mistakes are expected and handled kindly.
• Efficient use of counselor time. One group can serve several students with similar goals.

Practical Strategies

1. Screen and select thoughtfully

What: choose students whose goals overlap and who are likely to benefit from working together.

Why: group composition strongly shapes what happens in sessions. ASCA's ethical standards ask school counselors to screen prospective group members and consider whether a group setting is appropriate for each student.

How: use teacher referrals, observations and brief student interviews. Ask the student what they would like to get better at. Avoid placing a student who has been bullying another group member in the same group. Mix in one or two students who have relative strengths in the skill, when appropriate, so there are positive peer models.

2. Get informed consent and set expectations

What: follow your district's policy on notifying or getting permission from parents and guardians, and explain the group to students.

Why: families are partners, and students participate more fully when they understand the purpose.

How: send a short letter or make a call describing the group's focus, schedule and how families can reinforce skills at home. With students, explain the limits of confidentiality in age-appropriate terms: what is said in group stays in group, the counselor cannot guarantee that every member will keep it private, and the counselor must share information if someone's safety is at risk.

3. Use a consistent session structure

What: the same predictable sequence each time: check-in, review, teach, model, practice, feedback and a bridge to the week ahead.

Why: predictability lowers anxiety and keeps time focused on practice.

How: post the agenda with pictures or words. Keep instruction short and practice long.

4. Break skills into steps

What: turn each skill into three or four concrete steps.

Why: steps make a skill teachable, observable and easy to prompt later.

How: for joining a group: (1) watch what the group is doing, (2) move close and wait for a pause, (3) say something related or ask to join, (4) accept the answer calmly, whatever it is.

5. Model, role-play and give specific feedback

What: show the skill, have students practice it in short scenarios, and tell them exactly what they did well.

Why: watching and doing are usually more effective than hearing about a skill.

How: model both a non-example and an example (keeping non-examples light and never mocking anyone). Let students take turns as actors and observers, and give observers a simple job such as "Watch for step 2."

6. Plan for carryover

What: help the skill show up outside the counseling office.

Why: skills learned in one setting do not automatically transfer to others.

How: give teachers the skill steps and a one-line prompt. Assign a small, specific practice task ("Join one game at recess this week") and start the next session by asking how it went.

Six-Session Small-Group Outline: Making and Keeping Friends

This outline suits upper elementary or early middle school students. Each session is about 30 minutes.

Session	Skill focus	Activity	Bridge task
1	Getting to know each other; group agreements	Name game; students co-write three group agreements; preview the skills	Notice one thing a classmate likes
2	Starting a conversation	Model greeting plus a question; role-play in pairs with prompt cards	Start one conversation with a classmate
3	Joining a group or game	Teach four joining steps; practice with a real board game	Use the steps once at recess or lunch
4	Listening and taking turns	Pass-the-object conversation; observers track turns	Ask a follow-up question in class
5	Handling disagreements	Practice "I see it differently because..." and compromise options	Try one compromise and report back
6	Review and celebration	Skills review game; each student names a skill they are proud of; certificates	Teacher continues prompts in class

Before the first session and after the last, ask the student and their teacher to rate the target skills on a simple scale. This gives you a basic pre/post comparison to share.

Using Individual Counseling for Social Skills

Some students are not ready for a group, need privacy around a specific situation, or have goals that do not match any current group. Brief individual sessions can help them:

• Map the situation. Draw the lunch table or the playground and ask the student to show where things go wrong.
• Use social narratives or comic-strip conversations. Simple drawings with speech and thought bubbles can help some students think about what others might be feeling or expecting.
• Rehearse one specific moment. Practice the exact words for asking to sit at a table or responding to teasing.
• Plan a first try and debrief it. Choose a low-risk setting, then talk through what happened.

Individual sessions in a school setting are short-term and goal-focused. When social difficulties are tied to significant anxiety, mood concerns or other clinical needs, talk with families about referral to qualified mental-health professionals.

Step-by-Step Implementation

1. Identify needs from referrals, observations and any screening data your school uses.
2. Define one shared goal for the group, such as starting and maintaining conversations.
3. Screen and select four to six students for elementary, or up to about eight for older students.
4. Notify families and gather permission according to district policy.
5. Schedule sessions with teachers, rotating times so students do not always miss the same subject when possible.
6. Collect a baseline rating from the student and a teacher.
7. Run sessions using the same structure each time.
8. Send teachers the skill of the week with a prompt they can use.
9. Collect post-group ratings and compare with baseline.
10. Plan follow-up: booster check-ins, a second group, or a team referral for students who need more.

Illustrative Scenarios

Second grade: the lunch-table plan

Leo often sits alone at lunch and tells his teacher no one likes him. In two individual sessions, the counselor and Leo draw the cafeteria, pick a table where a friendly classmate sits, and practice two sentences. Leo tries it the next day with the counselor nearby. Over the following weeks, the counselor fades her presence and Leo joins a small group focused on conversation skills.

Seventh grade: a lunch bunch for new students

Several students who transferred midyear join a weekly lunch group. Sessions focus on starting conversations and finding clubs. One student, Amira, admits she is afraid of saying the wrong thing in English. The counselor adds sentence starters and pairs her with a bilingual peer during practice.

Tenth grade: disagreeing without shutting down

Jordan, who has an IEP that includes social communication goals, shuts down when classmates disagree with him in group projects. Working with the special education teacher, the counselor practices respectful disagreement phrases with Jordan using real project scenarios. His teachers agree on a quiet prompt card he can glance at during group work.

Differentiation and Adaptations

• Elementary: use puppets, picture cues, movement and very short practice rounds. Keep groups small.
• Middle school: focus on real situations students care about, such as group chats, lunch seating and changing friendships. Students are often more engaged when they help write the scenarios.
• High school: link skills to goals students value, such as jobs, teams, interviews and dating respectfully. Offer more choice in topics.
• Students with disabilities: coordinate with the IEP team and follow any social skills goals in the plan. For autistic students, focus on skills the student finds useful and respect communication differences; for example, do not require eye contact as a sign of listening. Use visual supports and concrete language.
• English learners: provide sentence frames, model phrases slowly and allow practice in the home language first when helpful. Be aware that norms for turn-taking, personal space and eye contact vary across cultures.
• Families: share the skill steps in the family's language and suggest one easy way to practice at home.

Common Challenges

• Off-task or silly behavior → keep instruction short, use the group agreements, and give active roles such as timer or observer.
• A dominant group member → use structured turns, such as a talking object, and privately coach the student on giving others space.
• Skills that do not transfer → practice in real settings, involve teachers and use bridge tasks with a quick report-back.
• Scheduling conflicts → use lunch, advisory or rotating times, and agree a schedule with teachers before the group starts.
• Peer exclusion that is not about skills → if a student is being excluded or bullied, addressing the environment matters as much as teaching the student. Follow your school's anti-bullying procedures.

Professional Considerations

• Follow the ASCA Ethical Standards, including screening group members and explaining the limits of confidentiality in groups.
• Keep groups focused on skills and goals rather than on personal disclosures, which are harder to protect in a group setting.
• Avoid labeling the group in ways that could embarrass students. A name like "Lunch Bunch" or "Friendship Club" works better than "Social Skills Group."
• Record participation and results according to district policy.

Key Takeaways

• Decide whether a student has a skill gap or a performance gap before planning support.
• Screen group members carefully and gather family permission according to district policy.
• Use a predictable session structure with short teaching and plenty of practice.
• Plan for carryover with teachers, bridge tasks and real-setting practice.
• Use simple pre/post ratings to show progress and plan next steps.

Next step: Choose one shared skill for a group of four to six students and draft your six-session plan. Find more ideas in School Counseling, including developing a comprehensive school counseling program to see where groups fit in your overall plan.

This article offers general guidance for school staff. It does not replace your school's policies and crisis procedures, a student's IEP or 504 plan, or the judgment of licensed mental-health professionals.

Sources & Further Reading

• CASEL, What Is the CASEL Framework? https://casel.org/. Accessed November 2026.
• American School Counselor Association, ASCA Ethical Standards for School Counselors. https://www.schoolcounselor.org/. Accessed November 2026.
• American School Counselor Association, The School Counselor and Group Counseling (position statement). Accessed November 2026.
• Center on PBIS, Tier 2 Supports. https://www.pbis.org/. Accessed November 2026.